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Dear Baby John, A few short days, your life on Earth; each filled with pain and grief. Our prayers for you remain unheard, destroying all belief. "A God of justice" we are taught, how wrong this has to be. Why injure you my baby son...just to punish me? For endless hours I've searched my mind,sincerely need to know, What have I done...how did I fail that you should suffer so? The prayer, "Please let me see him." took nearly every breath. "Request denied, Impossible." Now, there is nothing left. No picture held in memory, not smiles of joy but tears. How can I live, just can't go on to face the coming years. People say, with kindness, "You're young, can try again." Unknown to them this emptyness; unfelt, this desperate pain. How could they know my feelings while sitting in this room With tiny garments, tissue wrapped, in deep despair and gloom. The crib, sewn with such loving care; still empty, meaningless. They don't know, (how could they), this absolute distress. I just can't face the future and yet, know that I must. With false, fixed smile, "Yes, feeling fine." I lie, to my disgust. If, somehow, you can hear me, you know this is untrue; Every cell is screaming as I cry and mourn for you. Our baby son, I love you so...ache to hold your hand. "Request denied, impossible." I'll never understand. X X X
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